Euthanasia

July 13th, 2009

Dogs’ lives are too short. Their only fault, really. – Agnes Sligh Turnbull

It was hard the first time, with Max, and this is going to be worse, because Mya is not sick, just old. It is a difficult thing to decide. When is it time to end the life of your friend?

Mya is family. She has lived with me in six different homes, in four cities, and in the last thirteen years, I have spent more time with her than anyone. She is the constant of my adult life.

Fourteen is old for a big dog. Her hearing is going, she has bad teeth, and arthritis. She always slept in my bedroom, even when I had to carry her to the second floor, but after three years, she grew weary of even being carried, so she sleeps downstairs now. Sometimes I still carry her up and down the five steps of our porch to go outside, but I’m not always home, and even those are becoming insurmountable. She stumbled coming in today. If I wait much longer, she will fall down.

This is my decision. I do not know how I should tell Michelle, but she knows it is coming. I gave Mya a bath today so she would be nice and clean, and Michelle has noticed my added moments petting her. She suspects I have a plan so she asks about it. “Maybe this week,” I tell her. She pulls back as if I slapped her across the face and begins to cry. “Well, maybe the week after,” I add. To her great credit, she knows this is hard, and tells me to do whatever I think is best.

I have no idea when the right time is. No matter when I decide, it will feel too soon. If I wait too long she will suffer, or I will miss it. I do not want her to die in the night downstairs all alone. This is my chance to say goodbye and it is the least I can do for this creature who has been my faithful friend.

We have started having private conversations about this, Mya and I. She nudges me more often lately, so I will scratch her head, and when no one else is around, I talk to her. Mostly I say, “I know my girl. I’m just trying to work up the courage.”

I write it down, because it helps, and I cry. I hope to send her out with a smile on my face and no smell of sadness on me. I want to get all the tears out of the way, but there will not be enough time for that.

It is time to put my dog down. I make an appointment and then ask Michelle to exercise her veto power. Instead, she arranges to take the afternoon off so we can take Mya to the vet together.

The moment came too fast, as I knew it would, along with pain, guilt, and regret. I did the best I could, which provides me some solace. I laid down beside Mya on the bed I brought and cuddled up to her. As she left this world, I stroked her head, and for the last time, I told her, “You’re a good girl,” and I managed not to cry until she was gone.

mya

Mya

Near this spot are deposited the remains of one who possessed beauty without vanity, strength without insolence, courage without ferocity, and all the virtues of man, without his vices. This praise, which would be unmeaning flattery if inscribed over human ashes, is but a just tribute to the memory of Boatswain, a dog. – Lord Byron

Vote for Reader Favorites 26 votes
Loading ... Loading ...

Fertility Clinic

July 10th, 2009

baby_storkHaving a baby begins the same way most things do, with a Google search. We investigate the options for fertility doctors in Victoria, BC, and make an appointment.

The first thing we learn is that you never wear cologne when you go to the fertility clinic. Embryos are very sensitive and can be affected by scented products. We are told this on the phone and reminded by a sign as we enter the office.

I originally wrote a quip about how the sign in the office was redundant, because Michelle reminds me every visit. Which is true, but I could not make the joke work, because I cannot even sell it to myself. She reminds me because she knows me.

The doctor quickly rules out further surgery to reverse the vasectomy, identifying himself as a man of great wisdom, and someone I like immediately. He suggests In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) with an additional technique used to get my contribution without a scalpel. We are given pages of reading material and are sent off to get a battery of blood tests.

IVF is a complex and expensive process, with no guarantees. The blood tests help confirm that we can both live up to our end of the bargain. The consultation, and the information we walk away with, are to ensure we understand the stakes. We make our decision immediately; we are all in.

The names of professionals occupying the building are indicated by glass panels mounted outside the doors in the hallway. As we leave, Michelle points out a panel etched with the name “Butkis”, and has a little giggle. I can already envision her making fart jokes with the child we are here to conceive, and it makes me smile.

To read all the glowing things I have to say about the staff at the Victoria Fertility Centre click Read More.

Read more... »

Vote for Reader Favorites 3 votes
Loading ... Loading ...

I Am A Veteran

July 6th, 2009

forgetfulI have a poor memory for details, which is a polite way of saying I am both unobservant and forgetful. Michelle recalls things I rarely do, or never noticed in the first place. This frustrates her. We often have conversations she begins by saying, “Remember when…” but, or course, I don’t, so they end with, “It’s a wonder you find your way home at the end of the day.”

Perhaps this should be troubling to me, or it could be my most valuable trait. I am largely immune to stress and anxiety, and maybe it is because I forget my troubles along with everything else. I should get a shirt made with a big smile on it that says, “I have the memory of a goldfish.”

I tell Michelle to look on the bright side. When my memory completely fades, after relying on her for a life time, I will believe whatever she tells me. I regret pointing this out almost immediately. She looked at me incredulously today when I failed to remember an event less than a week old. She raised her voice like she was speaking to an old man with failing hearing and said, “You were in the war!”

Vote for Reader Favorites 2 votes
Loading ... Loading ...

Adoption

July 3rd, 2009

We have decided to have a child. The first step is figuring out how to make that happen. I don’t need the birds and bees talk, I get how it’s usually done. I had a vasectomy, so the question of having a baby isn’t straight forward.

adoption

I like the idea of adoption. It’s one of the reasons the vasectomy decision caused me little pause. Adoption is one of the possibilities we put on the list.

I held this naive notion that adoption would be easy. I figured some paperwork and a cheque would be all that was required to secure some cute hungry orphan from a far away land. The reality is more complex than that, which is a good thing, I suppose. Adoption from various countries around the world is possible, but the process is lengthy, uncertain, and expensive.

Given the proper perspective any issue has two sides. Take human trafficking for instance. Buying a baby sounds like a horrible, morally offensive absolute, until you want one, and have money. Then you can see good arguments for why that rule should have some flex in it. I’m joking of course, unless you’ve got a baby for sale.

Adopting a child from within Canada, removes some questions, but adds others. In Canada, children are in short supply, and the birth mother makes the ultimate decision about where her baby goes.  Michelle and I feel confident that we will present ourselves as parents that someone will pick, but it is an imposing barrier to consider, and no timeframe can be established.

Having a child is a scary proposition. I underestimated the role biology plays in providing a sense of security. When you are considering jumping off that precipice, biology at least feels like something you can cling to. It is one less variable in a sea of lurking unknown.

Other factors are at work as well. My wife wants to be pregnant. No male can deny that feeling, and I empathize with the notion that if you are going to go through motherhood, you might as well try the whole process.

Adoption has not been removed from the list of options. We will consider it again as life dictates. Until then we are pursuing other avenues to fulfill our wish.

Of course the vasectomy seems like a rash decisions in retrospect, but I am not the first fool to change his mind. There are medical options to father a child after “the snip”. We make an appointment with a fertility specialist to see what they are.

Vote for Reader Favorites 1 votes
Loading ... Loading ...

Happy Canada Day

July 1st, 2009

Hope you have a good one eh!

canada_leaves

Canadian economy has reached a turning point – Globe and Mail

Why we live longer – Macleans

A Worthwhile Canadian Initiative – Newsweek

Canadians, more foreplay than average – Macleans

Court challenge aims to legalize all cannabis use – National Post

Debunking Canadian Health Care Myths – Denver Post

Keep your stick on the ice!

Vote for Reader Favorites 1 votes
Loading ... Loading ...

I Want A Baby

June 29th, 2009

babyMany friends of Michelle and I have newborns. As we tour our old stomping grounds in Edmonton, visiting from house to house, it becomes clear that we are the victims of a conspiracy. Each baby contrives to portray its very best: smiling, giggling, interactive, and beautiful. Driving away at the end of the day, after five of these sessions, I look at my wife and say something for the first time in my life, “I want to have a baby.”

We agree that the preceding day has left us in no position to make a rational decision. I impose a week long moratorium on any further discussion. I am determined to put some time between us, and these crafty TV commercial children, but the damage is done, and we spend our week of quiet contemplation picking out names.

There is a sense of adventure in this I was not anticipating. It is like the opening moments on a rollercoaster. Movement is slow, but upwards at an impossibly steep angle. I have never been so scared or excited about anything in my life, and that is part of the appeal.

Vote for Reader Favorites 5 votes
Loading ... Loading ...

A Decision

June 25th, 2009

uturn
My wife, Michelle, and I are trying to have a baby. That is of note because we had emphatically decided not to do that. We changed our minds, obviously, and in retrospect, the vasectomy seems a little rash.

I am not sure that I can adequately explain myself. I feel as confident about our new plan as I did about the old one. It may not make sense, but not everything that makes you happy does, so there you go.

Initially we kept it a secret but we have changed our minds about that too. News of success, if there is any, may be some time off, and who wants to wait. We began to slowly leak our plans and now Michelle is letting me tell everyone. I hope you come back and help us cheer for a happy ending.

Vote for Reader Favorites 8 votes
Loading ... Loading ...

Name the Gnome

June 11th, 2009

gnomes

If you occasionally host a party characterized by excesses in food and drink people think of you as a fun couple. When you do it as often as Michelle and I people begin to talk about twelve step programs. Subtle misdirection and thin facades help a lot. My point is that our Name the Gnome BBQ was a success.

We have four garden gnomes from a Social we held last year and figured we should gather people together to help name them, because why wouldn’t you, that’s why. The name suggestions were abundant and imaginative, but when the votes were counted (yes, we really voted) there were four clear winners:

  • Gnomer Simpson
  • Gnome Chompsky
  • Gnome F’ing Way
  • Phenomegnome

Random chance will determine which name they get. They all look exactly the same, except that third sun bleached bastard that has done a Michael Jackson, and is several shades lighter than his brethren.

Vote for Reader Favorites 4 votes
Loading ... Loading ...

Cooties

June 3rd, 2009

cootiesChicken Pox never goes away, it lays dormant in your spine. It can reactivate and travel from its hideout along a nerve until it gets to the skin and makes you itchy and miserable, just like it did when you were a kid. This fascinating information I learned after the doctor informed me that I have a case of Shingles.

“Don’t put cream on it,” he said, which is a small victory because I had refused Michelle’s tube of put-this-on-anything cream. There is no question I lost the war though. If I had listened to her, and seen the doctor a few day earlier, I could have received the treatment that is effective within the first 72 hours.

This disease of the young and the old hitting me at my apparent prime of life is tough on the ego, but most painful is that I must admit that all those little girls of my youth were right, “Dirk has cooties!”

Vote for Reader Favorites 1 votes
Loading ... Loading ...

Cash and Nicole

May 28th, 2009

My sister-in-law and her family left for Italy this week where they plan on spending a year. Well, most of her family. They leave behind a nineteen year old daughter, Nicole, and a Labrador Retriever named Cash, both of whom we have inherited. Nicole gets her own room, and Cash seems intent on taking over the remainder of the house.

cash3

Cash

Cash is handsome. He looks like a dog you would see in an oil painting of a duck hunt. Shiny reddish brown hair with a proud head that comes to about my hip. When you take him out people go out of their way to give him a scratch on the head and say, “That’s a beautiful looking dog.” Occasionally this degrades into exuberant baby talk delivered with pursed lips, “You’re a good boy. Are’n'cho a good boy. Yes you are.” Cash seems OK with this as long as the embarrassing display is accompanied by petting.

He eats and drinks in huge drooling mouthfuls, and it is a strain on Michelle’s nerves. Keeping the floors to our usual standards is difficult. I am willing to adjust them downwards to accommodate, I’m good that way, but Michelle feels differently. I try to compensate by doing all the walking, which is the fun part, so if she buys that plan, I’m golden.

It is nice having them around. I will have to give Cash back when his family returns. We may get to keep Nicole though.

cash1

At the beach in Victoria

Vote for Reader Favorites 2 votes
Loading ... Loading ...

An Inconvenient Talk

May 26th, 2009

An interesting article in The Walrus about The Coming Oil Crisis.

Vote for Reader Favorites 1 votes
Loading ... Loading ...

A Low Woman Bullshit Factor

May 22nd, 2009

penelope_cruzMichelle and I are out with friends at a crowded pub. We share a large table with a group seated at the other end. Sitting across from me is a woman that reminds me of Penelope Cruz. Partly, this is because we recently watched a movie she starred in, but there are definite similarities. She is petite with delicate Latin features and smooth skin. Her top plunges below a diminutive bust line to reveal the lace edges of her bra, which she manages to make look sexy and elegant. She is extravagantly beautiful.

We are seated by the stage and in the direct parade route to the bathroom, so we get a good sampling of the twenty somethings revving up for their Saturday night out. I begin to notice a general trend in the crowd highlighted by a group of girls standing close to us. Over produced hair, too much makeup, and outfits a size too small combine to shout, “Please look at me.”

I lean over to Michelle and say, “Look at these young things trying so hard. You’re the prettiest girl in here.” She smiles at me, kisses me on the cheek, “Thank you baby.” Then she flicks her head in the direction of Penelope and adds, “Well, if you ignore her.” “Yes,” I agree, “except for her.”

She is not trying to trick me into admitting I noticed a pretty girl to make a fuss. She made a joke and we have a good laugh about it. This is one of the fine qualities I mean when I say that Michelle has a low woman bullshit factor. Self-assurance is sexy, and it is not an ingredient in hair spray. Someone should tell these other girls.

Vote for Reader Favorites 4 votes
Loading ... Loading ...