I am not strikingly handsome or a member of Mensa. I will never set a world record or make a scientific breakthrough. I’m not special, and except to me, my wife isn’t either. A baby isn’t any more likely to be extraordinary because the two of us made it. So, is biology important at all?
In many ways, no, biology doesn’t matter. I’m confident I would love a child that’s mine, regardless of their DNA. That’s not the whole story though. Biology isn’t everything, but then again, it’s not nothing. There are definite advantages to creating a baby with your own genetics, both practical and emotional.
Having a child is scary. When you are considering jumping off that precipice, biology at least feels like something you can cling to in a sea of lurking unknown. I can’t know someone else’s medical and family history, proclivities, talents, weaknesses, and afflictions as well as my own. And, while I know my wife less well than myself, you know, we’re pretty tight. There is an element of becoming a parent that’s a gamble, but there is comfort in rolling your own dice.
You don’t have to qualify to have a child of your own. No interviews, social workers, reference letters, lawyers, counsellors, mandatory classes, support groups, criminal record checks, or doctor’s reports. You can argue that the process of qualifying to be a parent is both a good, and in the case of adoption, a necessary thing. I would agree, but the fact of the matter is, it is stressful to be examined with such intensity, and then to put yourself up for scrutiny by mothers, boyfriends, families, and government agencies.
When the woman you love tells you she doesn’t just want to have a baby, she wants to have your baby, that’s visceral. The desire to see your lover’s face reflected in your child is primal. Biology has gravity, there is a pull to it.
DNA, of course, does have concrete influences. Our kid has about a 75% chance of having brown hair and eyes. Who cares? Not us, but that’s not my point. My child would inherit some of my traits, and it is nice to think that they might benefit from some of my better ones. Maybe procreation is the ultimate act of narcissism, I don’t know, but I get the attraction. Biology isn’t everything, but it’s not nothing.
Next week something other than baby stuff I think. I’m trying to write a speech about Empathy for a Toastmasters competition. I’m struggling to find some way to lighten it up a little, the premise is that I could have easily been a killer. Oh, I know right, the laughs keep on coming.
No Votes Yet
Loading ...
We’ve started an adoption process, and the transition for us has been easy, but I understand how some are unable to do so. I wrote this in defense of those struggling with Infertility. I’ve occasionally spoken with someone and sensed an attitude that is both cavalier and arrogant, “Why are you going through all this? You could just adopt.” Well, everyone is different, and it’s not that simple.
All very well said.
I wish you and Michelle good luck and well wishes!
Hi Dirk.. thanks for stopping by my page.. I have been reading through some of your blogs and this one struck a chord with me… I know that feeling. I have been lucky enough to be offered donor embryos.. but I am not sure I am ready for that yet, or to give up on my own progeny… at the same time.. its something that I may have to come to.
It makes me not feel so alone to read your thoughts about it… from one, not complete hottie or mensa grad to another
[...] in « Autism Diagnosis Biology [...]