Cash, the Labrador we were babysitting, is home now. His family is back from their travels. I miss him, but Michelle doesn’t, he’s big and hairy and he drools. Their return also brought our 19 year old niece back to live with us. She has big shoes to fill, but she’s got that drooling thing mostly handled, so that’s in her favour.

Cash

Maglite

On a related note, every house should have a good flashlight as part of it’s standard equipment. A friend asked me if I carried a weapon after I was mugged. I don’t, but I definitely had it in mind when I bought this flashlight to walk the dog with. It is well designed and manufactured, and the tooled aluminum casing with three D batteries in it, makes a good truncheon. The blinding light, followed by this thing crashing into a nose, would stop a linebacker. It is definitely confidence building.

For your commute

I recommended This American Life awhile ago. Here is a couple other podcasts I like, in case you are interested.

The Moth – features stories recorded live at one of the events held by this New York based story telling organization. A new story every week, around fifteen minutes long, always good, sometimes great.

Radiolab – Big questions on science, philosophy, and the human experience are investigated. It’s an imaginative and interesting show.

I also feel like I was born 15 years late. The 70’s retained the coolness of the 60’s, along with an aversion to bras, but ditched the social conscience. It looks like a great party.

Revolutionary Paper and Ink Technology. Read in the tub! Read by direct and blinding sunlight. Read by candlelight.

Unlimited Battery Life. No car adapter, no plug-ins, no power requirements at all.

Sustainable. Made with 100% non-toxic renewable materials. Completely recyclable.

Portable. Fits in your carry-on, and no pesky security checks.

Affordable. Leave it sitting on your beach towel while you swim. Forget it at the hotel, on the bus, or lend it to a friend and never get it back. Good for any budget.

Almost indestructible. Impervious to sand and dust. No ports, components, or screens to clog or malfunction. Leave it in a hot car. Bend it in half. Run over it with your car. Throw it at the pavement with all your strength.

Lifetime Upgrades! You can’t find a floppy drive to open a WordPerfect file from twenty years ago, and if you do, software will fail to open the file, or render it unreadable. Our revolutionary technology opens after hundreds of years just as easily as day one.

Books. The oldest, greatest thing!

The geek in me is always tempted by new technology, but eBooks have so many inherent flaws. In many important ways, they are entirely inferior to a $2.50 dog eared paperback.

On the other hand, my sister is giddy with excitement because this $500 technology will significantly improve the life of my autistic nephew. Other touch screen technology developed specifically to assist autistic kids with communicating run upwards of $10,000. She says this $200 app and an iPad beat them all.

Soldier stories, movies, and technology reviews!? I’ll eventually get back to obsessing over fertility, adoption, and kids, for those interested in such things.

80% Rottentomatoes

It is funny, sad, inspiring, thought provoking, revealing, educational, and emotional in varying measures each week. The stories are human, and honest, and I never feel I have wasted my time when I listen. I find it inspiring, and hopeful, to witness anything done so well.

You can download episodes for $0.95, which is a great deal. They are wonderful for road trips or commuting. I listen while I’m cleaning the house or doing yard work.

There is a list of listener favorites I have worked most of the way through, and a podcast you can subscribe to. I don’t have a single favorite but here are a few entries I think are good starting points.

20 Acts in 60 minutes: This episode breaks the usual format of T.A.L. in which two or three stories are told over the course of the hour. None of these are the best stories on the program, but together they wonderfully cover the gamut from funny to sad, from curious to thought provoking.

Recordings for Someone: A number of interesting and moving stories start things off and the episode finishes with the hilarious, “The Greatest Phone Message Ever.”

My Experimental Phase: A woman who mistakenly thinks she’s lesbian, and an astonishing story of a guy who experienced a growth and freedom few people can imagine.

First Day: Far and away the highlight of this episode is the unforgettable story of, “Squirrel Cop”.

Testosterone: This is fascinating whether you are a man or a woman. Trust me. One chapter involves recordings of  the main contributors and producers of the show, and I think, demonstrates why the show is so good. They are a quirky, funny, bright bunch of people.

A big thank you to my friend, Stephanie, who introduced me to T.A.L., David Sedaris, and The Decemberists.

If you occasionally host a party characterized by excesses in food and drink people think of you as a fun couple. When you do it as often as Michelle and I people begin to talk about twelve step programs. Subtle misdirection and thin facades help a lot. My point is that our Name the Gnome BBQ was a success.

We have four garden gnomes from a Social we held last year and figured we should gather people together to help name them, because why wouldn’t you, that’s why. The name suggestions were abundant and imaginative, but when the votes were counted (yes, we really voted) there were four clear winners:

• Gnomer Simpson
• Gnome Chompsky
• Gnome F’ing Way
• Phenomegnome

Random chance will determine which name they get. They all look exactly the same, except that third sun bleached bastard that has done a Michael Jackson, and is several shades lighter than his brethren.

Do you need help? Is he all right? Is he hurt? I get non-committal responses to all of these questions. There is an incoherent young man slouched over in the street who appears incapable of doing anything else, which leads me to ask, “Has anyone called 911?” Five blank faces stare back at me. “Do you think we should?” one of them asks.

I phone emergency services. Ambulance and police are dispatched. I wait until they arrive, and having nothing else to contribute, I offer a lame, “Good luck,” and leave.

It feels a trifle insensitive, but then, I leave the group of five strangers in exactly the same state I found them. Concerned spectators wringing their hands. “Do you thing we should?” No, I think we should continue to shuffle our feet and discuss the situation until he stops breathing or gets up and stumbles off, you ineffectual fool. I can be insensitive, but it’s not the worst of sins.

I am being too critical and I have to work on that. A group of concerned citizens gathered around someone in trouble in moments. Although they took longer to gather their wits than was necessary, once in motion they did the best they could. While I am on the phone with 911 they pick him up and move him off the street, someone places a jacket under his head, and most importantly, they care what happens to the guy. They are on their way somewhere as well, and they certainly are not staying for the excitement, because there is none. They get involved, they do something, and that is admirable.

Sadly, the evening ended on a bit of a down note. After successfully avoiding shooters for my entire stag and wedding reception I was bamboozled into doing two, the first without using my hands. Even though I smashed the glass on the floor, and had whipping cream running down my chin, I displayed a degree of grace not often found in such situations. I think we can all agree on that; the photos speak for themselves. Michelle put me to bed soon after.

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