IVF

Fertility Clinic

July 10th, 2009

baby_storkHaving a baby begins the same way most things do, with a Google search. We investigate the options for fertility doctors in Victoria, BC, and make an appointment.

The first thing we learn is that you never wear cologne when you go to the fertility clinic. Embryos are very sensitive and can be affected by scented products. We are told this on the phone and reminded by a sign as we enter the office.

I originally wrote a quip about how the sign in the office was redundant, because Michelle reminds me every visit. Which is true, but I could not make the joke work, because I cannot even sell it to myself. She reminds me because she knows me.

The doctor quickly rules out further surgery to reverse the vasectomy, identifying himself as a man of great wisdom, and someone I like immediately. He suggests In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) with an additional technique used to get my contribution without a scalpel. We are given pages of reading material and are sent off to get a battery of blood tests.

IVF is a complex and expensive process, with no guarantees. The blood tests help confirm that we can both live up to our end of the bargain. The consultation, and the information we walk away with, are to ensure we understand the stakes. We make our decision immediately; we are all in.

The names of professionals occupying the building are indicated by glass panels mounted outside the doors in the hallway. As we leave, Michelle points out a panel etched with the name “Butkis”, and has a little giggle. I can already envision her making fart jokes with the child we are here to conceive, and it makes me smile.

Notes about the clinic

This process of trying to get pregnant using advanced medicine I barely understand is emotional, stressful, and sometimes overwhelming. The professionals guiding us through the maze of drugs, tests, and procedures, greatly influence the emotional impact. I want to acknowledge the staff at the Victoria Fertility Centre because I cannot speak highly enough of them.

Dr. Steven Hudson, the central figure at the clinic, is exactly the guy you would hope for. You do not want to be speaking with a professional and find yourself worrying you are the smartest guy in the room, but then, feeling completely bewildered by five syllable medical terms is not the desire either. You want someone who portrays a confidence in their expertise and that communicates technical information in plain simple language. In this we are very lucky.

The staff supporting Dr. Hudson are warm, knowledgeable, and methodical. Trips to the clinic are frequent during some stages of the IVF procedure, but they are conducted quickly and efficiently. Despite multi-tasking at a frantic pace everyone makes time to be pleasant and helpful.

The most important aspect of Dr. Hudson and his staff is that they are emotionally invested in our journey. Most often they are communicating with us about appointment dates, dosage adjustments, test results, and protocols. It would be easy for all of that to become cold and clinical, but I never feel that anyone has forgotten the purpose of all this, which is to help us start a family. Everything is done with sensitivity, and a recognition of the impact this has on our life, and it makes all the difference. We are not just a file, we are The Brittons, and everyone is hoping for us.

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Adoption

July 3rd, 2009

We have decided to have a child. The first step is figuring out how to make that happen. I don’t need the birds and bees talk, I get how it’s usually done. I had a vasectomy, so the question of having a baby isn’t straight forward.

adoption

I like the idea of adoption. It’s one of the reasons the vasectomy decision caused me little pause. Adoption is one of the possibilities we put on the list.

I held this naive notion that adoption would be easy. I figured some paperwork and a cheque would be all that was required to secure some cute hungry orphan from a far away land. The reality is more complex than that, which is a good thing, I suppose. Adoption from various countries around the world is possible, but the process is lengthy, uncertain, and expensive.

Given the proper perspective any issue has two sides. Take human trafficking for instance. Buying a baby sounds like a horrible, morally offensive absolute, until you want one, and have money. Then you can see good arguments for why that rule should have some flex in it. I’m joking of course, unless you’ve got a baby for sale.

Adopting a child from within Canada, removes some questions, but adds others. In Canada, children are in short supply, and the birth mother makes the ultimate decision about where her baby goes. Michelle and I feel confident that we will present ourselves as parents that someone will pick, but it is an imposing barrier to consider, and no timeframe can be established.

Having a child is a scary proposition. I underestimated the role biology plays in providing a sense of security. When you are considering jumping off that precipice, biology at least feels like something you can cling to. It is one less variable in a sea of lurking unknown.

Other factors are at work as well. My wife wants to be pregnant. No male can deny that feeling, and I empathize with the notion that if you are going to go through motherhood, you might as well try the whole process.

Adoption has not been removed from the list of options. We will consider it again as life dictates. Until then we are pursuing other avenues to fulfill our wish.

Of course the vasectomy seems like a rash decisions in retrospect, but I am not the first fool to change his mind. There are medical options to father a child after “the snip”. We make an appointment with a fertility specialist to see what they are.

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I Want A Baby

June 29th, 2009

babyMany friends of Michelle and I have newborns. As we tour our old stomping grounds in Edmonton, visiting from house to house, it becomes clear that we are the victims of a conspiracy. Each baby contrives to portray its very best: smiling, giggling, interactive, and beautiful. Driving away at the end of the day, after five of these sessions, I look at my wife and say something for the first time in my life, “I want to have a baby.”

We agree that the preceding day has left us in no position to make a rational decision. I impose a week long moratorium on any further discussion. I am determined to put some time between us, and these crafty TV commercial children, but the damage is done, and we spend our week of quiet contemplation picking out names.

There is a sense of adventure in this I was not anticipating. It is like the opening moments on a rollercoaster. Movement is slow, but upwards at an impossibly steep angle. I have never been so scared or excited about anything in my life, and that is part of the appeal.

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A Decision

June 25th, 2009

uturn
My wife, Michelle, and I are trying to have a baby. That is of note because we had emphatically decided not to do that. We changed our minds, obviously, and in retrospect, the vasectomy seems a little rash.

I am not sure that I can adequately explain myself. I feel as confident about our new plan as I did about the old one. It may not make sense, but not everything that makes you happy does, so there you go.

Initially we kept it a secret but we have changed our minds about that too. News of success, if there is any, may be some time off, and who wants to wait. We began to slowly leak our plans and now Michelle is letting me tell everyone. I hope you come back and help us cheer for a happy ending.

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