I try post one decent thing a week, usually on Friday.
Click on the heart 
to vote for favorites. Only 2 votes needed to get on the list.
Read excerpts and more Reader Favorites here.
I have just finished talking to customer service at my cell phone company and what a bright and sunny disposition that has left me in. I have given up on getting good customer service from modern companies. I would settle for not being in a murderous rage when I am done.
(more…)
1 
Loading ...I was walking with a friend of mine in the quiet little park behind my house when we were attacked by a group of kids. My friend managed to escape. I was pepper sprayed, beaten senseless, and robbed. It has been a year now and a couple chipped teeth are all that remains of the physical damage, but an episode like that lingers with you. I have been turning those thoughts over and over. The rough edges have been worn away and they are now familiar enough to write about. Here they are then, those smooth little pebbles. (more…)
1 Loading ...It is not difficult to find doom and gloom stories about the economy, so I was pleased to find this one. It made me feel better about the whole thing. It’s a economist in the NY Times saying things are not so bad, it’s not like it’s some dude in the Podunk Weekly Journal. So it turns out we will work our way through this financial crisis just like past ones. You do not have to worry about it.
That’s good. One less thing. – Forrest Gump
An Economy you can bank on – NY Times
1 Loading ...Google has launched a project looking for the best ideas that will help the most people. A great example of why geeks should run the world.
May those who help the most win.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...
During the course of your life you will, quite literally, spend years sitting in front of a TV. We watch 21 hours of television a week; it is the predominant way that we spend our free time. A whopping 38% of our leisure time is spent in front of the tube. In fact, the three things we do the most, in order, are sleep, work, and watch TV. In an average year you spend 68 days watching TV from the time you get up until you go to bed. If you started on New Years day and did it all in one shot you would not do anything else until the second week of March.1 (more…)
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...The Wii Fit hula-hoop girl has gotten over 4 million views on youtube. Three of those were mine. A calm soothing voice dubbed over that video could probably get me to rob a bank or cluck like a chicken.
This reminded me of a conversation I had with a couple of girls when I was in the circus. Somehow the notion of naked circus acts came up. That’s disgusting, who would want to see that, said the girls. Pretty, young, agile, athletic girls performing acts demonstrating their flexibility and grace, naked. Yep, ewww, gross, was the first thing I thought of too.
Women say they understand that men are simple and certainly every woman has some understanding of her sexual power, but not really. Strippers are probably the only women that really understand what fucking dullards we are. Easily stripped of all higher level thinking along with our cash by a set of breasts and that knowledge. It’s a good thing women come built with all those self esteem issues or men would be entirely fucked.
Some other copy cat girl does a far worse job, but, you know, she’s pretty
Just skip the stupid underwear and watch nude Wii
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...I’m standing at a urinal in a bar, and there, written in black marker in front of me, is the word Fuck!
There are times when I feel like an alien; a visitor from other origins. Differences in the double helix can not account for this. It seems unlikely I am composed of the same elements. Who are these people? Questions abound:
Is this a private compulsion, or is this the kind of daring act one brags about in an attempt to elicit “high fives”?
Is this a one time Fuck! or is this just one event in a series of daring guerrilla assaults aimed at giving it to The Man?
This Fuck! is written in black magic marker. No one just happens upon a black magic marker in their pants pocket while peeing. That makes this a premeditated Fuck! This Fuck! is the culmination of a series of thoughts that began well outside of the bathroom. Our graffiti artist stepped up to said urinal with knowledge and forethought. Was it the awesome expanse of white “canvas” that threw him off, or was Fuck! always the final goal?
It’s certainly not the graffiti I take issue with. I like graffiti. A nice dirty limerick is a nice way to kill some time while relieving oneself. Hell, even random and stupid assertions I can more easily understand. Racism, Sexism, Homophobia, these things at least have an easily identifiable theme, but Fuck! has a strangeness to it that I can’t shake.
So I finished up in the bathroom and walked out into the bar. The air feels decidedly thick. I suspect on my home world the air would be sweeter and easier to breath.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Conspiracy Theories are popular but mainly flawed. The primary flaw being a simple one: Secrets are difficult to keep.
The difficulty of keeping any particular secret depends on a number of things:
Most of the truly absurd, and strangely popular, conspiracy theories combine all four factors in such mammoth proportions as to make the resulting theory entirely implausible. They center around a secret that would involve dozens or even hundreds of people. Those in the know come from a variety of backgrounds like scientists, politicians, military and religious leaders, and of course shadowy government agencies. The secret in question is the focus of intense scrutiny from multiple sources. Finally, the value or consequences of the secret coming out are huge.
To help illustrate the difficulty of keeping a secret all you need to do is look at one that didn’t remain a secret:
Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. In this case a small number of sexual acts that involved two people. Both of those involved had pretty good incentives to keep the secret. Yet the resulting scandal had multiple witnesses, recorded conversations, DNA evidence on a piece of clothing, and an uproar that occupied a good portion of the governments resources for months on end. The idea that significant secrets can be kept by a large numbers of people in perpetuity seems farfetched in comparison.
Most conspiracy theories also tend to have major breakdowns in either logic or common sense. Occam’s razor can be worded as: All other things being equal, the simplest solution is the best. Or in a simpler modern proverb: When you hear hoofbeats think horse not zebra. Conspiracy Theories, more often than not, provide the most complex explanation of a given situation. Which does not prove them false, but it certainly puts the burden of proof firmly on their doorstep.
Particularly in modern times complex plots and major conspiracies that remain secret, or at least unprovable, seem highly unlikely. Every citizen on the street is equipped with cell phones capable of photo and video, and it seems a bit silly that anyone would pin all their hopes and plans on the idea that no one is going to post evidence of their underhanded dealings on youtube.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Zeitgeist was created as a nonprofit project to inspire people to start looking at the world from a more critical perspective. The film is split into three parts. The parts are unified by the central idea that very often things are not what the population at large think they are. The film is engaging and thought provoking and if nothing else promotes a little critical thought. (more…)
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...You ever watch CNN Headline News for any length of time? It’s the most depressing fucking thing you will ever do. War, famine, death, AIDS, homeless, depression, recession, war, famine, death. Then you look out your window and it’s just [birds singing]. Where is all this shit happening man?
A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fucking cross? It’s like going up to Jackie Onassis wearing a rifle pendant.
They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you’re high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it’s not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference.
My final point about alcohol, about drugs, about pornography; what business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, fuck or take into my body as long as I don’t harm another human being whilst on this planet? And for those of you having a little moral dilemma on how to answer this, I’ll answer for you. None of your fucking business! Take that to the bank, cash it and take it on a vacation outta my fucking life.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...You were sitting alone reading a book. I had a cup of coffee and sat by the window. I so wanted to say hello but was too shy. This is my hello.
Friends of ours held an “Amazing Race” event this last weekend. One of the more clever clues was a personal ad in the local paper. In searching for it you read through a lot of ads, the one above included.
Who are these people!? Would that ad work even in some kind of alternate universe? A more truthful version of that ad would read as follows:
You were sitting alone reading a book. I thought you were attractive. I drank my coffee while trying to figure out some excuse or basis on which to strike up a conversation, but knowing that I never would. You caught be staring at you several times. I smiled nervously each time. You walked out. I apologize if I was creepy. I so wanted to say hello but was too shy. This is my hello.
With my good looks and obvious charm I’m sure you would be surprised to learn of my utter ineptitude at meeting attractive strangers. Mind you, as most strike out kings know, there are way more lesbians in the general population than you might think. So, I’m not passing judgment on the person, but any way you slice it these ads are strange and the lottery must have a better success record. Just take your humiliations in person. Say hello. It’s character building. If they don’t respond the way you hoped you can safely assume they are gay. That’s the way well adjusted grown ups do it.
1 Loading ...The bureaucrat, when faced with common sense or irrefutable logic, tells you that you are in the wrong line. – Dirk Britton
I dig my heels in over the strangest things. Giving in likely costs me nothing, resistance is a pain in the ass, the benefits of getting my way are often trivial, yet I do it anyway. That’s weird right? Seriously, I think that’s pretty weird.
Someone at work wants me to fill out some paperwork to correct an error. We both agree that there is an error and they are the only ones that can correct it. In my world that should be the end of that. Instead there seems to be a bureaucracy for bureaucracy sake step. I hate paperwork.
It would be easiest to do the 5 minute form, but I don’t think I will be able to. Instead I will spend 20 minutes thinking about it and then 20 minutes composing an email that is as gently worded as possible, but still points out this person is being a moron and there is no point or reason to fill out a form.
I am more or less over feeling bad for being such an inflexible prick. I have moved on to a feeling of self righteousness. I’m calling it personal growth.
As I predicted I was unable to talk myself into doing the simple thing and filing out the stupid form. Instead I wrote a nicely worded email explaining the mistake and suggesting that a correction be made. Rather than do that it was passed along to my boss who has asked me to fill out the form.
My response has been to do absolutely nothing. Fuck it. I have pointed out a problem that is costing the company money. The people that can fix it will not unless I fill out a form to abdicate them of any responsibility and erasing the fact that they made the mistake in the first place.
I used to work for a big oil company. I began to realize how much of my time was spent doing pointless bullshit simply because that was the recognized process. I moved away from big companies for exactly that reason. There shouldn’t be a process for fixing a hole in your roof. You just fix it. And so with feelings of entitlement and justifiability I plan on continuing to do nothing.
I’m considering going on a motivational speaking tour based on this story.
1 Loading ...
