to vote for favorites. Only 6 votes needed to get on the list.There is an interesting talk on TED dealing with how too many options have a negative impact on happiness. It’s more difficult to select a salad dressing when you have a vast array available at your local supermarket. With all those options your expectations are extremely high, and when your choice fails to be perfect, there’s the nagging suspicion that you could have done better, so you are less likely to be happy with your choice. We had a meeting with our fertility doctor yesterday, and I’m feeling like I understand that better.
We could try IVF again. The doctor is surprised / concerned we have not yet been successful, but there is no outstanding reason to wave us off another attempt.
We could try a donor egg. The age of M’s eggs is a factor, and none have successfully implanted. The doc thinks this is our best chance to get M pregnant.
We could try donor sperm. The advantage here is this is a less complicated / expensive procedure, and we could take a few tries at it.
We could do IVF with a surrogate (with or without implanting M at the same time). This increases our chances, but clearly adds complexity, and affects other people’s lives.
We could give up fertility treatments and carry through with the adoption process we have started. This opens up a whole new series of choices: age, race, nationality.
Each choice has different benefits, risks, costs, success rates, and schedules. On top of all that are some serious and hard to answer personal questions about what having a child is all about, what is important, how badly does M want to be pregnant, and how do we feel about biology. We will have to make a choice from all those options, and it’s a decision with a lot of variables. It’s overwhelming. It really is. I have less of an idea about what we should do than I did before the meeting.
If you got pregnant by sharing a bottle of wine and an orgasm. Nice work. I’m envious.
The paradox of choice – TED
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Something to consider…
Which of those routes to having a child do you think would leave you in the very best emotional, physical and financial place? After all, the first year of parenting can be exhausting and overwhelming especially if you have a particularly high maintenance baby. The first year with each of my babies was a truly grueling experience that nearly did us in (don’t worry it was worth it and they were wonderful toddlers). It would have helped if I’d started that journey in great physical condition, well-rested, and emotionally at my best. So you might consider the option that will be the least difficult on you and your wife if that’s possible to predict.
And while being pregnant is an amazing experience it can be rife with complications and just plain terrible for some people.
I agree with Ginger. Pregnancy can be wonderful but it is also exhausting and unpredictable. Plus, it is a very small 9 month portion of a life long journey. My advice is to try to eliminate the options that are your long shots and your hail mary’s. Try to narrow it down to which one will give you the best odds of getting what you ultimately want (a baby, in case you were starting to forget!!). I know that sounds simple, but it might help to imagine it as a project and remove some of the emotion. The job you are working on is getting a baby, so what is your best chance of achieving that goal? Good luck – I don’t envy your salad bar.
Lot’s of decesions…. I also agree with Ginger and Kristeen, but it’s easy to say when I’m not in your situation. I wish you all the luck with whatever you choose. I wish it could be easier for you.
I understand first hand the emotional stress of all the options to consider …. life is so much easier when they aren’t any options!! You and Michelle will know what is best for you. For many reasons, including financial, my husband and I have decided to proceed with adoption. I agree with all the comments above, especial Kristeen who states “The job you are working on is getting a baby”. I just wrote an article on my site regarding the financial aspect of considering IVF treatments. Suze Orman shares her opinion on Oprah… and ends by stating “if you were my friend, I’d ask you to consider adoption. It’s usually less costly—there are even tax breaks to help you out—and you run a better chance of reaching your ultimate goal: having a child to love”. Good luck to you and Michelle in your future decisions. I’m sure your decisions will have a happy ending, and a new beginning. All the best. Angie.