Dogs’ lives are too short. Their only fault, really. – Agnes Sligh Turnbull
It was hard the first time, with Max, and this is going to be worse, because Mya is not sick, just old. It is a difficult thing to decide. When is it time to end the life of your friend?
Mya is family. She has lived with me in six different homes, in four cities, and in the last thirteen years, I have spent more time with her than anyone. She is the constant of my adult life.
Fourteen is old for a big dog. Her hearing is going, she has bad teeth, and arthritis. She always slept in my bedroom, even when I had to carry her to the second floor, but after three years, she grew weary of even being carried, so she sleeps downstairs now. Sometimes I still carry her up and down the five steps of our porch to go outside, but I’m not always home, and even those are becoming insurmountable. She stumbled coming in today. If I wait much longer, she will fall down.
This is my decision. I do not know how I should tell Michelle, but she knows it is coming. I gave Mya a bath today so she would be nice and clean, and Michelle has noticed my added moments petting her. She suspects I have a plan so she asks about it. “Maybe this week,” I tell her. She pulls back as if I slapped her across the face and begins to cry. “Well, maybe the week after,” I add. To her great credit, she knows this is hard, and tells me to do whatever I think is best.
I have no idea when the right time is. No matter when I decide, it will feel too soon. If I wait too long she will suffer, or I will miss it. I do not want her to die in the night downstairs all alone. This is my chance to say goodbye and it is the least I can do for this creature who has been my faithful friend.
We have started having private conversations about this, Mya and I. She nudges me more often lately, so I will scratch her head, and when no one else is around, I talk to her. Mostly I say, “I know my girl. I’m just trying to work up the courage.”
I write it down, because it helps, and I cry. I hope to send her out with a smile on my face and no smell of sadness on me. I want to get all the tears out of the way, but there will not be enough time for that.
It is time to put my dog down. I make an appointment and then ask Michelle to exercise her veto power. Instead, she arranges to take the afternoon off so we can take Mya to the vet together.
The moment came too fast, as I knew it would, along with pain, guilt, and regret. I did the best I could, which provides me some solace. I laid down beside Mya on the bed I brought and cuddled up to her. As she left this world, I stroked her head, and for the last time, I told her, “You’re a good girl,” and I managed not to cry until she was gone.
Mya
Near this spot are deposited the remains of one who possessed beauty without vanity, strength without insolence, courage without ferocity, and all the virtues of man, without his vices. This praise, which would be unmeaning flattery if inscribed over human ashes, is but a just tribute to the memory of Boatswain, a dog. – Lord Byron
I wrote about Mya for selfish reasons. It was cathartic. I thought a few people I know would be interested in the news, but thousands and thousands of people continue to read about Mya. Some people, most of whom I have no other connection to, are touched, and go out of their way to share personal stories, email good wishes, and generally to say lovely things. That is unexpected, and it moves me.
Anyone who has loved a pet understands the grief that comes with their death. It is something many people can relate to. Your stories, love, and support are well received and appreciated. Thank you friends, family, and anonymous internet readers.
My sympathies to those of you who have experienced this final moment with a pet. To those of you worrying that moment may be approaching, enjoy your friend now, and give them extra treats tonight. I was petting my dog Max, and Michelle’s cat Chagall when they died, but Michelle was not there, and she has regrets about that. This time she came to support me, and that showed a lot of courage. She says it was more difficult than she was prepared for, but she is glad she was there. Do the best you can. That is all that can be expected.
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My heart aches for you. I know how that feels. A pet is such a great companion and you will miss her for a long time. I hope that although one life ends, another might begin.
Sometimes it’s painful to love someone that much. I hope all your memories of your years together will soon overshadow this moment. She was a beautiful dog. Me and mom are sitting here at work sobbing over your loss
It is never easy to do the right thing. Especially in a circumstance such as this. But take solace in the joy she brought you and not the sadness of her death. Know that you did the humane thing and that she is very grateful for that. Hugs to you and Michelle
I definitely know how you feel. I had a 14-year-old Husky who was blind and had arthritis. He was such a sweet dog, but they day came when he couldn’t get up anymore.
I hope you will cherish the memories you have of your dog, just as I do. Know that she will be in a better place. Maybe our dogs will play together in Heaven.
Damndamndamn.
Stumbled into this, and i could have written it – right down to my girl stumbling up the 5 back-steps.
I’ve realized what I knew but couldn’t face.
“If I wait too long she will suffer…” and I’m late I think.
Damndamndamn.
Appointment is next week. I only pray I can handle it as well as you.
And I pray she hasn’t suffered because of me.
And- thank you.
Thank you.
I dont know you, but you have made me cry. Weep, actually. It reminds me to buy (more likely rent) a single story home before my dogs get old, because i do not think i will have your strength.
That dog was beautiful, you’ve brought me to tears, sir.
Thank you so much. I was in a similar situation several weeks ago. I don’t think I had ever really dealt with my dog’s passing emotionally; however, reading this passage was the therapy that I needed. Thank you.
I sat here in tears as I read your note…my old girl, Sally, by my side. I know the time is getting near and I too will have to face that moment. I know we will see them again at Rainbow Bridge!
Oh Dirk. Mya was such a kind soul and so very clever, and such a lovely ‘lap dog’. I’m so sorry that you had to lose her. I remember you telling me the story of her cheeky look, the one she practiced while looking at you through a window while chewing on the TV remote, that you had puposely booby trapped with chili pepper. Ha! couldn’t fool her, it just made it all the more tasty!! My heart is with you and Michele, and hope that you soon remember the joy of her life.
Im crying right now. My dog is getting older, and he’s my first dog and its hard to imagine what it will be like without him. I hate that we love them just as much but they cant live as long.
Mya was a lovely dog and we cared for her very much and enjoyed our roles as Aunt and Uncle and the sleep overs at our house. She made me laugh when she patrolled our front windows and growled at senior citizens on the path. All this time I thought she hated old folks but perhaps she was trying to tell us something.
My heart goes out to you both, in fact I am crying all over my keyboard as I type this. Dwayne and I have had 2 dogs we have had to go through this with and as heartbreaking as it was for me, it was twofold for him as he had Hugs to you both, and a hug for Cash as I imagine he is sad too.
I am so so sorry to read this. I can’t imagine the pain you feel. My heart breaks and I cry if I even think about my four “children” getting older. Your story has brought me to tears, soul deep sobbing for someone who lost a member of their family. My thoughts are with you, and I know that your happy memories of her will stay with you for the rest of your days.
Three times I have made this decision, and i was never as strong as you. I cried.
we recently had to put our dear old mate of 14.5 years to sleep. He had a stroke and we followed to vet’s recommendation to let him go. I was holding his dear face as he slipped away telling him how much he was loved. He was an annoying naughty boy at times but we always loved him. He has a special place in our hearts that will be there forever. love ya old mate xx
You’re not the first to write such a story, and you won’t be the last.
Putting your dog down is very hard, but what I thought was that I would only do to my dog, anything that I would do for myself, and that gave me enough comfort to continue. Sometimes I wonder why I have had dogs, when the moment comes to let them go… but I haven’t regretted much by having them with me. They made my life so much richer. and I think that I’m just another animal myself, and one day I’ll pass on as well.. I hope the world has enough sensitivity by then, so that legally, I too, can request that last needle.
Wolfie! (Cancer survivor)
Well done. I appreciate your timely decision and way of saying goodbye.
Why is it that when we talk about our pets we can visualize euthanasia but when it comes to humans we can’t? Is it too different? I’d like my wife to say goodbye to me the same way. It would be more soothing, more dignified, more human. I wouldn’t want her to cry until i’m gone, but if she does, that is just as fine.
I wish to go the same way as Mya if the circumstances state so. Don’t try to keep me here if my body has already failed me.
I’ll say hi to Mya when I get there. Can we play a little too?
God is with your sweet Mya in heaven. Your heart-felt message sent me into a cying, sobbing mess. We had the same situation last week with our 9 year old (very old for a Newfie) Newfoundland, T-Bone. He had a series of ministrokes causing him to stumble. He was the sweetest boy. He went everywhere with us in our VW bug. The last couple of weeks were the hardest. He was on good pain killers, so there wasn’t any pain. Selfishly, we needed these weeks to say goodbye to our big, furry lump.
Bless you!
PS, I bet Mya & T-Bone are both barking at passing elderly folks as we speak!
I have lost two dogs, Mom & daughter to cancer in the last 4 years. Mom had nose cancer so I had to put her down when she was still vital, and young, even still eating well, but couldn’t sleep, because when she closed her mouth she could not breathe I felt like i was dying as she slipped away…. Her daughter had addison’s disease and in the process of diagnosing that they found cancer around her heart, faced with the prospect of putting another one of my dogs down, I went to pick her up, she died immediately after we got her in the back seat of the truck, she waited for me…it was agony. But soon after 3 months, my husband & I decided we and our cat could not live without dog, so we got 2 month old Lucky and he is just the best dog, almost replaced out son who left for college…lol
What a beautiful tribute. Mya was very lucky to have such a caring human to love her
I just got chills down my spine, reading this. I will have a similar problem a few years from now. Right now I have a young Duffy who is absolutely in love with my infant daughter and vice versa; she won’t go to sleep unless he’s in the room and he has to be at his baby’s feet, keeping a close eye after she’s asleep. When my wife (then girlfriend) first told me of the miracle to come, terrified and thrilled of the future, with about 6 beers and 5 shots of Jack Daniels in me and a face full of tears, I sat on our balcony and asked one thing of my pup, “Help me. Help me with my child.” He has more than kept his promise. About a few weeks after we bought her home from the hospital, the dog was fully trained in how to behave around the baby and she was napping in my parent’s room. All of a sudden, one morning, Duffy comes running to me, apparently frantic and pawing me and barking at me to wake me up. I initially thought he wanted to go out but he kept on running into my parents’ room, where the baby was. I followed him into the room the see my daughter sleeping and the dog jumped up on the bed to lick the baby’s face and pawing at her. I immediately scolded him as I was afraid he’d wake her but when I went to kiss her head, it felt cool to the touch and her lips and eyes looked blue. My wife, who’s a nurse, immediately took her temperature and saw that it was 97*. We called her pediatrician who told us to take her to the hospital ER immediately. It turns out her heart wasn’t pumping properly because of a vitamin D and calcium deficiency. After many a tense night and day in the PICU, we bought her home… for good, I’m glad to say. I fully believe Duffy saved Siobhan’s life that day. He’s been in love with her since and I love the way her face lights up when he does his little Maltese dance for her. Like you I don’t think I can ever repay my dog for what he’s done for me and I hope I have the same strength and courage for us and for Siobhan when Duffy’s time comes.
My dog that I’ve had since 2nd grade is dying and we are considering euthanasia. I couldn’t get through your post without totally losing it
I really hate you for making me cry like this – but I love you because I feel your pain and I think that way too many of us have been through the same thing. It never gets any easier, cat or dog, sick or just old, it never gets easier. But at least these furry friends pass on knowing that they were truly loved and that my friends is what really matters.
Trip told me with a look when I could not keep him with me anymore. I could not hold back the tears until after he left and they come back unbidden a year and a half later. I have another I love just as much, but he will never replace Trip he is his own. We teach them to stay but the time comes when they no longer can. It is in their tribute that we are willing to face that pain again to experience that love again. We will meet again on the other side of the bridge.
My call came at 4:00 AM from the 24 hour animal hospital holding our beloved brown boston terrier, DJ. She had taken a turn for the worse during the night and her body wasn’t accepting the blood transfusions. She was only nine, too young for a BT to go. I got there and I could see the look on her face saying, “Its time to let me go.” They put me in one of their comfort rooms and brought her in to me wrapped in a blanket. The two of us lay on that recliner for a few minutes. I could barely look at her. She was gone before the vet finished the first injection. That was nine months ago, and I’m still crying.
Your tribute made me have a minor break down, yet I appreciate it. I can relate as well.
Thank you for putting your feelings out for everyone to see.
I recently put my German Shepard to sleep because she developed a large tumor on her leg preventing her from being able to walk. She was thirteen years old and the arthritis was already starting to kick in on top of everything in her hips. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Reading your last paragraph made me cry because I continually kept telling my dog that she was a good girl as she fell asleep in my arms. Its the hardest thing in the world, but you wrote it elegantly. We stayed with Abby for over an hour after she passed, I think I had two panic attacks and an asthma attack from sobbing so hard.
for me it was a cat of 10 years. Someone had broken his tail at the base and it severed the spinal nerve there. His tail was without feeling or motor control and his bowels were not under his control. Intestinal compaction set in immediately and bladder infections were very likely(said my vet). After 2 weeks of hearing him yowl at me, telling me he was in pain, I made the choice to put him down and end his suffering. I said my good byes to him before the short drive to our vet. I was so distraught and anguished at losing my dearest Nelson I couldn’t even be in the room with him. I just made it to my truck before breaking down into the most terrible sobs I have ever had.
It has been 3 years, just about, since his departure and still, thoughts of him make me weep for my dearest friend is gone and it was my choice to make it so.
Your tribute to your lost friend is awesome.
I had two dogs: both cocker spaniels: and now I have one. I had to put the first one to sleep on the 14th of February this year … he was 13 years old, and had multiple complications. My second is 14, and I have my fingers crossed. He’s still eating, and in general, fit: but he stumbles very often when he walks. He has a tumor on his hind left leg, but luckily, isn’t in pain … yet.
I know the day he will not be able to get up is the day I’ll have to do the same to him. How I’m going to do that .. I don’t know.
My condolences to you.
I broke down crying just reading this. I have 3 beautiful labs and 1 kitten. As I look at my two oldest girls, I notice more and more grey in their snouts, and Chloe is starting to have trouble with the stairs.
All I can say is you did right by Mya. She was a wonderful dog and she was lucky to have you. I only hope I can be as strong when the time comes.
My Heart is heavy. We also had a 14 year old cat we put down a couple months ago. I look at pictures all the time with happy memories. Although my 17 year old daughter won’t look at all. Yet she feels she wants a new kitten. I feel her coldness, her ability to just forget is not except able. The rest of the family talks about all the fond memories we have for our cuddly friend. Life after our friends leave us is sometimes as complicated as having to make that decision to let them go. Let your memories shine on!
I think it says a lot about you that you were able to put aside any selfishness and do what was best for Mya. It is obvious from the number of comments this blog has received that it was both well written and far reaching. I’m proud that I have a brother that would not only be so kind to his sweet friend, but share it with all of us. I have many nice memories of Mya including the skunk incident and watching her run in her sleep! I also wanted you to know that I know that losing Mya meant losing a companion and that she was not just a dog. Many people who have never known the totally selfless love of a pet would think that she was “just a dog” and that your loss is somehow less significant. I cried for a very long time reading this and I will think of you often in the next few weeks. I love you.
I also have a rottie that is getting up there in age, she will be 12 this year and this dog has been there for me through thick and thin. I love her so much and I am not sure how one day I can convince myself to do this to her. I also cried when I read your post, it was very touching. I know she will not be the last dog in my life but she will always be my best dog and I will cherish her forever. Thank you.
I have been there. Until I went through the same ordeal, I never realized how tough it would be. It was by far one of the toughest things I have had to do in my life. Only pet owners truly get this.
I stumbled upon your blog using Stumble Upon. This was beautifully written! I am sorry for your loss. I had to put my dog down back in 2006 as well. It was very painful, luckily I had a new puppy that helped me get through the pain. I’m going to share this post on my Twitter page. I’ll be checking back soon to read your new posts.
–Iris
I am so sorry to hear about darling Mya. I know how hard it was for you to put her to rest. I still feel the pain of losing my Tara, and when I read about your pain and others it’s like it was yesterday tht I put her down. I know you loved her and she knew you loved her and she loved you unconditionally. The best gift that you could have given her at this time was relieving her of her pain, and letting her go with her dignity in tacked as I am sure they have it. So always know the kindness you showed when putting her where there is no pain and lots of dog biscuits. She will be forever grateful. Am thinking of you and send lots of love and support. I am going to go and hug my Mya now and tell her how much I love her. Aunt Grace
I’m so sorry for your loss. I know what it is like to lose a dog. I remember when my dog (Circe) had to be put down when I was in 6th grade. It was Ash Wednesday and she had been VERY sick (she had heart problems, breathing problems, had had a seizure, had some skin problems and when we had to put her down, she had cancer all over her body). It was very hard to put her down. I remember we came to say good bye to her at the vet’s. As soon as she saw me, she stood up and looked like she was ready to go home. She thought we were going to take her home. That was so hard. But I told myself that she was going home: home to God. And now she’s in Heaven running around like a banshee, bugging God constantly asking when her owners are coming. So I feel your pain. But what helped was: right before Easter we got Abby, a lab from the Lab Rescue Society. A few days after Easter, we got Mary. A somewhat neurotic/psychotic (literally, she was on doggy prozac for a while…..we were her 6th owners when we got her (she was 6 months old) and had been terribly abused) who was about to be given to the pound. These two are still alive and the happiest, most spoiled dogs in the world. I still love and miss Circe, but I feel that she is watching over Abby and Mary. And I know that Mya is watching over you, bugging God just like Circe is.
(Now I need some chocolate, I cried while reading your story and while writing this)
I am so grateful for your writing. As I read it, and as I type, I am crying for you, and for myself, for we lost two of our cats within two weeks, and the pain is close to unbearable. I will share with you the wonderful words of John Brantner, who wrote, “Only people who avoid love can avoid grief. The point is to learn from it, and remain vulnerable to love.” I have found these words of help to me, and to my patients, with whom I often share them. Your courage is a wonderful example to the rest of us. Thank you.
HFG
I’m the husband and dad. It fell to me this time when Buster after 12 years with us began to suffer. It was horrible to watch him suffer hoping he would recover. After three days my wife and I agreed it was time. She took Molly a few years ago while I was at work. Now it was my responsibility to help Buster. It was horrible. They took him in the back to insert a catheter while I waited. I imagined it was inserted to keep him from spilling urine but it wasn’t that at all. It was a needle inserted in a vein and they couldn’t find it at first. I could hear him crying as they tried several times. It took more than a minute. That’s a very long time when he was already suffering so. He howled in pain and it was killing me. I hoped it wasn’t him crying out but knew it was. I should have done something, anything to stop it but I sat there telling myself they knew what they were doing. Finally, they brought him in and laid him in front of me on the stainless table. He had been given a tranquilizer and seemed to be at peace. His eyes looked at me but he couldn’t move. They left me with him for ten minutes or so to let the tranquilizer work. Finally, the vet came in with the final injection. When she inserted it in the catheter he was quiet. But when she began pushing the plunger he raised his head and cried out in pain. The vet said that was unusual. They usually go quietly. In a few seconds he was gone. I can’t tell my family how awful his last minutes were. It would only hurt them. I wish I’d been stronger and been able to prevent his pain. It’s been more than a month but every time I think of it I feel awful. Make sure you have the best vet you can find when you are faced with this situation. Maybe it was inevitable, but I’ll never feel the same. Buster was a gentle soul and deserved better.
[...] The post about my dog Mya I wrote over many weeks. It was a long time working through the emotional landscape of it, but the result does not reflect that. I went from zero to dead dog in a few paragraphs. I like to get to the point. Sorry about that. I did try balance it with a story that involved inappropriate nurse fantasies, medical torture devises, and me with no pants on. [...]
So sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. Thanks for visiting our blog and letting us know. We pray that you will be left with only happy memories.
Wuv,
Gus and Waldo
(and Dog Mom)
Oh Dang… I’m a blubbering crying mess. Your Mya was a beautiful girl, indeed. So sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I went through this over a year ago and I am still grieving. Not sure who wrote this, but I hope it offers you some comfort…
The Last Battle
If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this — the last battle — can’t be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don’t let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn’t want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they’ll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don’t grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We’ve been so close — we two — these years,
Don’t let your heart hold any tears.
My condolences.
I have posted this on my blog for my Doberman, Finley and cat, Blanca. I hope it helps.
I will become part of the trees that grow wherever my ashes are scattered, joining the ecosystem of the forest.
I will be in the slow green heartwood of the trunks as they patiently tick off the centuries, in the buds that burst forth in spring and in the leaves that explode with color in autumn. I will be the sparkle of sunlight on the surface ofa flowing mountain stream.
I will sink into the earth and mix with the groundwater, eventually flowing back and rejoining the ocean where all life on this planet ultimately began. I will be in the waves that crash on the shore, in the warm sheltered tidal pools, in the coral reefs that bloom with life, and in the depths that echo with whale songs.
I will be subducted into the planet’s core and join the three-hundred-million-year cycle of the continental plates. I will rise into the sky and, in the fullness oftime , become dispersed throughout the atmosphere, until every breath will contain part of me. And billions of years from now, when our sun swells and blasts the Earth’s atmosphereaway, I will be there, streaming into space to rejoin the stars that gave my atoms birth.
And perhaps some day, billions of years yet beyond that, on some distant planet beneath bright alien skies, an atom that once was part of me will take part in a series of chemical reactions that may ultimately lead to new life – life that will in time leave the sea that gave it birth, crawl up onto the beach, and look up into the cosmos and wonder where it came from.
And the cycle will begin again.
Excerpt from: http://www.ebonmusings.org/atheism/stardust.html
A beautiful and well written tribute to a dog well loved and greatly missed. Thank you for sharing this.
I don’t even know you and I am literally bawling my eyes out. I’m sorry for your loss. Godspeed.
I was looking for a leather briefcase, when I came across this fellow Dave, and the story of his dog, Blue. It was a nice story, and I wanted to post a link here. Dave also makes beautiful bags that come with a 100 year warranty, which is an idea I can support. Here is In Memory of Blue.
[...] husband wrote an amazing post when our dog Mya passed away describing the pain and heartbreak one goes through to get to this decision, then to [...]
Ive only had to put down one dog in my life. I was a little one, 9 years old. My dog was Koto- he was a gorgeous akita. Strong, loyal and so loving. We had a court order to put him down because he defended my mom from another dog on our property. The owner of the other dog made up a horrible story about Koto that was believed. As a child having my best friend put down was heart breaking. I remember telling my parents that i would keep Koto in my room and only walk him at night so that know one would know that he was still alive. The first day i came home from school without my buddy there to greet me was one of the worst feelings of my life.
I now have a beagle, he’ll be three this year and everyday i remember to love him unconditonally just as he loves me.