My Mind's Ink

Michelle: That’s not nice! Don’t call me retarded.

Dirk: I didn’t. I said your idea was retarded.

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Michelle: Screw it, I’m not wearing makeup today.

Dirk: What! How are people going to know you’re good enough to be with me?

Michelle: Oh, I think that’s pretty obvious.

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My wife brought home two dryer balls. No, I had no idea what they were either. Egg shaped, covered with short thick spikes, made of a stiff pliable silicon, it sits in the palm of your hand. It resembles a dog’s chew toy or a sex toy gone horribly wrong.

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I know that the following conversation is essentially a reenactment of a Kevin Smith movie , but it did take place, on several occasions. (more…)

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Michelle and I went out for a nice dinner and bottle of wine last night. To borrow a line from that Flight of the Concords song, conditions were perfect. You know, we were going to do IT.

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I work at home most days. Michelle often comes home to find the bowl from my breakfast still on the counter above the dishwasher.

Michelle: It’s a good thing we are not having kids. I’d have to pick up after two of you.

Me: That’s silly. You could train the kid.

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We spent a week with our good friends Kim and Bryan recently. Kim and Michelle have been friends since forth grade. Kim owns a hair salon and is very straight to the point. The preceding facts will help you understand this conversation we had one morning. (more…)

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Me: Where are those cheese buns? Hey! Did you eat both of those cheese buns?

Michelle: Um, ya, sorry, I was hungry.

Me: Really? Both of them?

Michelle: Sorry. I didn’t mean to.

Me: Of course you meant to. You ate them. You have to mean to eat something.

Michelle: I’m sorry. Do you love me?

Me: Ya, but slightly less now that I know you ate both of those fucking cheese buns.

Michelle: Watch it, or we’ll cancel “No Pants Night”.

Relationships are full of compromise. That’s what people say, but it reveals such a small part of the truth.

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