Parenting

A Dash Of Judgement

October 16th, 2009

A boy and his mother walk by my seat on the patio, and he has the biggest kicking and screaming fit I have ever seen. It is epic. The boy is too big for her to physically drag home, although she tries. He yells, and stomps, and sends his rubber boot flying with a poorly aimed kick at his mother, although he definitely lands a few shots. You can hear his high pitched screams for at least a block. This entire episode goes on for 10 minutes, for a crowd of 20 people.

When I leave, I walk by and ask if she needs help. I had not seen anyone do that, and knowing the challenges my sister faces, I thought maybe the offer might be nice. Truthfully, it is curiosity not gallantry.

The oldest of my sister’s three children, was a typical little boy, but by the time their youngest was born, my sister had confirmed the source of his emerging quirks. She told me about a hat she saw on another boy that she considered getting for her son, which read, “I’m not misbehaving. I have autism.”

My nephew is a sweet little boy, who wants very much for me to play with him, and who smiles a mile wide when I do. He has challenges though, so life can be tough on him. When he cries, it pierces your heart. Sometimes, my sister has difficult days, her son does too, often it’s the same day.

When I reach this woman, she is kneeling on the sidewalk, while the kid catches his breath for another shrieking episode. She looks up to speak to me, and after all of that, in front of a sea of people, she is gracious, and gentle, and completely composed. She is magnificent, and it makes me think of my sister. Everyone’s life is harder than it looks, to handle it with strength, and a bit of grace, is an exquisite feat of character.

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Of Mice And Men

September 21st, 2009

girl_skinned_kneeYour plans may bear no resemblance to real life. When faced with a discrepancy, it is you that must adjust. That’s an important life lesson, the good news is, we get many chances to learn it.

We received disappointing news. Our third round of In-Vitro Fertilization failed. The pregnancy test was negative. Fuck. Right? Right.

A positive result would be exciting and fill us with anticipation. It would be awesome. This is the opposite of that. This sucks. Life is often shades of grey; this is not one of those times, that’s my point.

Some take solace in labeling misfortune as fate, or God. Cosmic forces willfully conspiring against us having a child strikes me as the opposite of comforting. I take a simpler view; sometimes you get lucky, and sometimes you don’t. We are involved in an elaborate coin toss, and we are zero for three.

If we ever manage to have a kid I already know a little about what sort of father I will be. The first available opportunity will find me saying, “That’s right, life’s not fair. No point in crying about it. Get up and keep going.”

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