to vote for favorites. Only 6 votes needed to get on the list.I just watched what may be the worst movie I have ever seen. It’s a difficult judgment to make because the wound is so fresh.
The recipe to create this pungent, pervasive, and all encompassing stench is as follows. First you need to find a director with a fetish for the eighties TV show “The A-Team”, a hero worship for Steven Segal, and a penchant for frat boy humor. You give this guy a screenplay adapted from an episode of Scooby Do and Starsky and Hutch mashed together and an unlimited supply of blank ammunition and stage blood. The result is ninety minutes of a cartoonish tough guy shooting about 200 bad guys while nonchalantly diving, flipping, and spin kicking through a plot that makes no discernible sense. The resulting film sucks so hard that light can not escape it.
The hero in this film eats carrots. It’s his thing. You know one of those quirky things tough guys in movies do. As if the obsession with the carrot was not stupid enough all alone the hero actually utilizes carrots in multiple stunts and uses carrots to kill several people in the movie. Seriously, he stabs people with carrots. Do you see what I am saying? The odor generated by this movie is eye watering.
The carrot issue does not stand alone, I could go on, I really could, but I think you get the point. By now you are actually tempted to go out and watch this thing right. It’s like driving by a car crash. You hope there is no decapitated corpse on the side of the road, but then again, if there is a decapitated corpse, you don’t want to miss it.
Not everyone agrees with me. This steaming pile received 66 % on rotten tomatoes, a site I normally consider a decent indicator of a film. Well, do as you like. Rubber neck if you choose. You will definitely be rewarded with a few hundred corpses. Bloody, oozing, spraying, disemboweled pointless and never ending corpses.
The Film: Shoot ‘Em Up (Paul Giamatti, Clive Owen, Monica Bellucci)
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